Surviving the Holidays with Infertility

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…..you know the song, but the reality can be very different.  The holidays can be a very difficult time if you were hoping to have a baby or at least be pregnant this holiday season and it hasn’t happened for you.  Marketing geared towards families and children abound and can be hard to escape.  If you find yourself in this situation this holiday, here are some helpful hints to survive the holidays with infertility.

Take care of your body – Think about taking up yoga, pilates, kick boxing or an exercise class.  Regular exercise has been shown to have the same affect in some people as an antidepressant….with no harmful side effects!  If a class isn’t your thing, make a “happy mix” on your ipod and hit the trails for a good walk or run!

Avoid the television and the shopping malls – These are two areas where marketing runs abound and the perfect image sells.  Instead, find a good book or go rent a movie that you have long wanted to see.  Shop online for presents and take advantage of all the free shipping that is out there!  You will also avoid the “santa line” that always made me have to choke back the tears when I saw one.

Treat Yourself – Now is not the time to be hard on yourself.  Be gentle with yourself.  Treat yourself to a massage or pedicure.  You deserve it.  I always said that if you can survive infertility….you can survive anything!

Volunteer – If helping others makes you feel better – Volunteer!  There are many opportunities to do this through a church, a community center, soup kitchen, nursing home or homeless shelter.  It will help you realize that many people have difficult times and the holidays for a lot of folks out there is a lonely, sad time.   Ever thought of passing out carnations to the residents at a nursing home?  Making someones day by a thoughtful gesture will make you feel good inside.

Party with Adults ONLY – You may get an invitiation to holiday parties that involve children.  Politely say NO that you have other plans and feel NO GUILT about not attending.  It’s about self-preservation, not about forcing yourself attend parties you feel you “should”.  They don’t have to know that your “other plans” involve snuggling with your dog.

Find a Support Person – Find someone who knows your situation and you can turn to for emergency help.  I had a friend who would bike ride with me or go antiquing depending on what type of support therapy I needed.  She knew not to talk about kids or my treatment.  Just pure girlfriend support.

Have an Emergency List – Make a list on a good day of all the things you have been meaning to do.   For example,  jobs around the house, books to read, movies to watch, places to visit, museums to discover, new restaurants to try and when nothing is going your way…..look at your list and pick something fun.  I suggest writing it down and taping it inside a kitchen cabinet.  Some of my most fabulous painting and sewing jobs were a direct result from a negative pregnancy test!

Save the Holiday Cards – Every day getting those adorable family Christmas cards in my mailbox was like some type of slow torture.  I would sit, open them, feel happy for the family and then sad for myself.  Why didn’t I have one of those to send out?  Who says you have to open them????  Put them in a basket out of sight.  If you feel like opening them one day…will then do it, but for now….put them away!

Think about “suspending” your Facebook account if you have one.  Decide that the month of December is your break from Facebook so you don’t have to read all the little happy “status updates” that involve children and make your heart break.  You can easily reconnect in January!

Don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol, food or excessive spending.  While it may initially feel good to do so, it always ends up making your feel worse in the end.

Last but not least….if none of these suggestions seems like it will work for you.  Say goodbye to family and friends and hit the Islands with your significant other.  You’ll have plenty more holidays to celebrate ….. some other year!!!